This essay was written to my own adult children, but also as any parent to any child.
FIRST, KNOW THAT YOU are much loved. Mom and I will always be beside you, until we breathe our last breath – and still after that, in some way or form that I have yet to understand.
You are capable of doing just about whatever you put your mind to; but please never feel compelled to reach for a goal that does not interest you. Like Michelle Obama once said, seek to be inspired; not impressive. What matters most is that you are a happy person who also creates happiness for others.
Sometimes in our lives we may feel that we are in suspended animation – uncertain of who we are, why we are, and where we are going. This is normal. To move forward, I believe that we must find a core foundation of who and why we are. The rest of the details of life will fill in on their own; eventually taking us to where we are going.
I believe there are really just three major components to living a happy and meaningful life. They are each of equal importance. Here they are:
1. Have fun. 2. Have hope. 3. Have compassion.
Have fun:
The meaning of life is to be happy and to create happiness for others.
That is it. That’s the meaning of life. Find happiness; create happiness. Have fun with everything you do – even if it is just studying for a midterm exam with your friends or doing a project at work. Find joyful moments in every day, and create happiness for all other Earth inhabitants.
Have hope:
Submit to a greater Presence. Meditate, or pray. Offer up your tears, your frustrations, and your fears. And then express gratitude. You may wish to choose a specific faith or religion, if that is where your heart leads you. If you are uncertain, consider simply embracing a Presence or ideal that is greater than yourself. I like what the Dalai Lama says: “My religion is simple. My religion is kindness.”
Have compassion:
Show care and concern for yourself, all other humans, and all creatures of our Earth – present and future.
Forgive yourself for not being perfect. No person has ever been perfect.
Love and give to others. Creating happiness for others creates happiness of self. Remember the saying of theologian and writer Henri Nouwen, “My brother’s victory is my victory.”
Really look around and appreciate the absolute magnificence of our blue planet. Protect all of its creatures. Tread softly. You are in the midst of paradise.
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Do not compare yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy. There will always be someone smarter, stronger, and faster than each of us. It is a competition of just one….just you. Be the best “you” possible.
You were born with many gifts. Have faith in yourself. Free yourself of any limits that you or others have created. Dream big.
This does not necessarily mean to dream of riches and fame. Dream of big causes; like achieving sustainable global happiness. Improve your small corner of the world, and it may have ripple effects around the globe.
Know that you will fail very often in your life. Every great person has failed many times. There is no shame in failure. Fear of failure is much worse than failure itself.
I have failed miserably many times in my life; but I have had my successes, too. In a strange way, I almost enjoy a little bit of failure; because I know that at least I had the courage to enter the ring. Everybody gets knocked down. Champions get back up.
Here are some action points. They take effort. Make the effort and you will see the reward. Please trust me.
1. Get up early and go to bed early. Our bodies are of this Earth. We are at our best when we follow the natural rhythms of the natural world.
2. Experience Nature. Take a walk in the woods or along the ocean. Be present and take it all in. Get a space at a community garden and plant some flowers and vegetables (give the flowers away and you will be repaid doubly with a smile). Put your hands in the dirt, the very substrate from which your body was formed. Feel the world. Be a functioning part of this greater whole.
3. Try something new. If you are not in a relationship, ask someone out on a date. If you get turned down, ask another person until someone says yes! You don’t have to necessarily find the person you will marry on the first try. It is just fun to share a part of your life with someone else. It may last forever or it may not.
4. Meditate or Pray. Do this every morning when you wake up and every night when you go to bed. Some people do this throughout the day, trying to “never leave their place of meditation.” With each meditation, list a few things that you are grateful for. Write down on a piece of paper, right now, ten things for which you are grateful.
5. Bring your own sunny weather. Author Stephen Covey said that; and I like it. There is also a Chinese proverb that says, “Assume a happiness that you do not have, and soon you will have the happiness that you assume.” Putting a smile on your face will actually make you happier (they've done studies!).
Show others your warmth. Like attracts like.
6. Go a week without making a single negative comment. This is really difficult. If you can make it a week you are my hero!
7. Laugh every day. If it is bedtime and you have not laughed yet that day, maybe watch a YouTube video of laughing babies, or something else that will make you smile.
8. Never feel trapped. It is your life. You get to do whatever you want. Do not tether yourself to the expectations of others, or to your past. Yesterday exists only in our memories. Each morning, when you awaken, you are reborn anew. You can do whatever you choose today, and all days to follow.
Remember that not every decision is a financial decision. Sometimes what makes you happy does not make you rich. Finances are important, to a degree; but don’t let financial concerns anchor you to a place where you are not fully happy.
9. Say mantras each day. Your brain listens to what you have to say, and responds appropriately. Say these at least once a day.
Here are a few mantras that I like:
Every day I will become stronger, smarter, and happier.
I will run into my fears. Fight, not flight.
Forgiveness brings peace.
The best is yet to come.
Each morning I am reborn anew.
10. Make the start, make a choice. You can always change your mind later. Just start up the mountain, instead of always looking for the best trail. You might have to backtrack a little, but there is adventure in that, too! Write down on paper a few career choices or life paths to consider; and then choose one and go with it, if only for a while. This is better than the paralysis of indecision. Something will work out.
Two quotes to consider:
“Courage will catch up to us if we continue to walk ahead.” -Robert J. Wickes.
"Make the start, begin, and then the work will be completed." -German philosopher Johan Goethe.
Make the start.
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You are a child of this Earth – on a journey of fun, hope, and compassion; living a life that promotes a lasting global happiness. This is your purpose and meaning.
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I often like to think in metaphors. Here is one to consider:
Envision a river dividing into smaller streams before returning back to the ocean. You must build a canoe for yourself, and enter the river. This canoe is built of the core of what you are: The “who” are you, and the “why” are you.
You are a child of this Earth – on a journey of fun, hope, and compassion; living a life that promotes a lasting global happiness. This is your purpose and meaning. This is you and your canoe. This is unchanging. This is your who and why.
You must enter the water’s flow, and then let it take you where it will. Your “where” is unknown. This may be a little scary, but there is also some intrigue in not knowing what you will discover around the next bend. Embrace the uncertainty.
The landscape and your surroundings will change, but you and your canoe do not. The core of “you” is always the same. Others find hope and courage in your steadfast strength and resolve.
Soon, all the rivulets join back together at the same ocean. And the cycle starts anew.
I love you,
Dad